Searching for Solitude

I am a social creature. I love hanging around with people, learning-listening, sharing-teaching, laughing-crying, resting,-doing. I generally say I am most connected to God when I am with others yet, in my deepest moments of loneliness my heart knows to seek God with in me and I am shifted into the graceful space of solitude within Him.

The word lonely brings so many reactions from within me and from other. When you tell someone that you feel lonely, they are quick to say, you are never alone...you know God loves you, you have people who love you. So is loneliness forgetting that you are loved? 

In the moments of being alone, how I connect to myself, to the things I enjoy, the things I enjoy doing, can either fill me with a deep sense of pleasure or I can long to share them with another. Quite often these days, I am able to rest in to the deep pleasures and know that when I do share the experiences with a friend, they will be the more sweet in the telling and sharing of them.

I like to share my thoughts, pleasures and pains with others. I like to hear how others experience things. Creating the right balance of when to be alone with myself and be with others is my personal university of life lessons...I have been learning how I relate to God in the quiet times of lonely and the blessed times of solitude. As I look within myself and see the Divine, I have become clear that when I am in the place and space of acceptance, I am able to see God with a peaceful light of love. 

So Lonely...the Police

Trusting Myself, Trusting the Process!

Here I am almost a month after moving in to my new place here in Jacksonville and time has done it's thing!! Good steady progress has revealed how right this change is!!

The boxes are almost gone and my lovely things are finding their places. Beauty is again surrounding me and I am remembering how much a sense of my own space means. 

As I rediscover the joy of solitude, I am reminded of my frailties and fears, when I choose to give them a voice. 

This place of solitude, peace and renewal will also be a place of gathering, ebullience and release. My new abode is a huge step on my spiritual path. It is a symbol of tenacity, vision and blind faith. I have worked very hard to allow this step to happen. I have worked my way back from near death on so many levels to a place of vitality. 

I recall making the decision to make the move. I can feel the hope and the fear that was in that moment of courage. As I said it out loud to a friend, emotions of all kinds wanted to be there with me to teach me...and I let them. 

Fear was there to teach me what to be careful about. Joy was there to show me what to count on. Hope was there to help me create the vision. Apprehension was there to remind me to plan. 

As usual, I sought out all the help I could muster up. Wisdom from all those who love me helped me see the possibilities and make them happen. I will admit, I have had moments of loneliness and frustration. These moments were quelled by prayer, a few tears and lots of conversations. 

I shall continue to trust myself and those who love me.  I shall continue to trust this magical creative process that is revealing beauty and joy in huge doses!

New Perspectives..

The past few weeks have been about letting go of the old and today as I woke up in my cozy home, I got to step into a whole new world. 

I have to admit, I woke up tired! I have been pushin peddle to the metal for two solid weeks. I gave myself the morning off and enjoyed my body being still. It was a nice gift to just lay and imagine all the boxes emptied, everything in it's place. The tasks will get done, all in good time. Today's perspective, is that I am realistic about my limits and deeply sense what is right for me in the moment. 

I feel so blessed by this perspective and pray that each and every step along the way is as conscious as this moment. I know that this turning point in my life is evidence of my faith and determination. I step with the fullest confidence that life will continue to astound me!

Sparks Flying...

Connect to OneSpark on FB!

I choose to spend my first night as a Jacksonvillian attending the One Spark Town Hall meeting. Seemed like a fitting way to jump into the fire and catch a spark of energy. Ya, being cliche, it's sorta fun to play with the fire metaphor, so I shall! And to be honest watching this lil spark working to create fire has been interesting to say the least.

I love to watch fires start and love to add fuel too. Knowing how and when to is the key. I hate to waste my energy, so I work hard to understand when my fuel is need or even wanted.

I attended some of the early meetings when it was called Epoch. Which were fun and highly conceptual. The team pulled together people and worked to create momentum. As it moved along, somehow the leadership team for it shifted and the name changed to One Spark. Still a bit of a mystery actually...

As the vision for the event evolved the team pulled together and began getting a bit more formal, which like all projects like this, is required so others can get on board. 

As I approached the always delightful Florida Theater, I could feel a bit of hopeful energy. It was fun to run in to a few friends who I would have imagined to be there. One of Jacksonsonville's fun creative couples Tiffany Manning and Ron Hubbard were as usual enjoying the air of inspiration. Al Leston creator of State of the ReUniion, with his delightful smiles and desire to add to the energy, spreading his good cheer via hugs! James Smith one of the Founders of the Kona School attended with his charming son Arthur. and the ever inspiring Wayne Wood. It was quite fun to see many of Jacksonville's creative class out and open to supporting this fun idea.

"We need you, the community, to help make this happen." Elton Rivas stated as he opened the session. The core team then shared status and then opened the floor to discussion and questions. The air in the room was a mix of excited, hopeful and a slight bit of hesitance. 

This is a big undertaking and I sense that the creative community that showed up to hear the status is in a bit of wait and see mode. Yet what the team really needs is to engage with us to get busy helping make it happen. I met the volunteer liason Melissa Adams, which was a delight! She has her work cut out for her!

As a creator, who has put my application in, I left with a bunch of questions in my mind as to the site match process as well as the process by which all that will happen. Yup this is the first time for this to be happening here in Jax, so yup lots of ambiguity to be dealt with. Ahh yess, part of the creative process. 

So I will stay tuned and figure out how to add my lil fuel to this fire that has HUGE potential!

My Peaceful Faith of Moving

A blessings jar full of FAITH.

Welcome to my new blog, I have committed to writing about my experieces of reDiscovering Jacksonville. My intent is to use this space to express my deep gratitude for the blessings that have been bestowed upon me as well as the fun adventures my life seems to take.

For the past few weeks, I have been focused on moving my life to Jacksonville. It has been a relatively complicated move. My current home, a new apartment, a storage unit and a new location for Character Counts! So to say the least, I have been tested in many ways. Focus, Acceptance. Trust. Tenacity. & FAITH.

This move marks the end of a period of time for me. Six and a half years ago I moved to Saint Augustine to heal from a very bad divorce. As I healed spiritually, my body decided it needed an over haul too. It got very physically sick too. I suffered from a neurological illness, which robbed me of my stability: physically, intellectually, emotionally, financially and spiritually. I was tested to my very core. The hardest and most enlightening aspect of the journey was a bout with suicidal depression. It was here that my FAITH found its match.

As the people around me loved me into loving myself again, I found a whole new face of the Divine. I began to see God in the smallest of moments & the smallest of gestures. I had spent almost two years in and out of bed. My whole sense of reality was shifted and I began to see and know things very differently. A simple walk in the sun with a friend holding me steady became a blessed experience. Having someone bring a pot of soup after answering the question of, "What have you eaten today?" with, "I have no Idea." was experienced as a ritual of love. Standing in the shower, enjoying the hot water steaming down upon me, while a friend sat on in the room, making sure I would not fall, became a baptism of my soul. I could continue on about how the simplest of experiences became magical adventures in the moment, yet what I know deeply in this moment and desire to express is that the Divine revealed itself in ways I had never experienced. I am anew in the realization of it.

It has taken me three long hard years to become stable. Yes! I am really STABLE.  In every aspect of my life. So many people have taken the ride along with me and found their own space of faith as well. It is these relationships that have taught me most about Divine Love. Divine Possibility and Divine Peace.

Today, as I tidy up the last of the details of my physical move to the next phase of my life in Jacksonville, I feel blessed beyond belief to be alive, healthy, loved, inspired and full of patient expectation for a rich and fruitful adventure. I look forward to sharing the journey and growing Divinely with you!